Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
