I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
