I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
