He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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