who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
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there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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