just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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