Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
