he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Terrible idea I love it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
