weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
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I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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