i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
