look no pants
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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