You just made me feel so damn special
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
