Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
