somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
