i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He told me they were just razor bumps!
two words: eviction party
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I got inside last night via doggy door
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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