the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
