So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
