i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
