Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
