the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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