The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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