i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
