i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
