two words: eviction party
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
