Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It was confusing and full of hummus
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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