you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
