There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
