dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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