Just took my morning after pill in the library
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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