If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
