Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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