God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
