omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My balls are so social today.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
