I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
