There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
