Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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