Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
4 words: hood of his car
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The uberlube is also flammable
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
