remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
