My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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