I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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