How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
