I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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