Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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