Pants 0. Shit 1.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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