We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
