is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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