Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
