Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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