I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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