I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
