evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
