I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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