Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
