if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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