So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
