No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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