Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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