It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
