if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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