I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
