You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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