So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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