I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
