It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How does it feel to date your dad?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize