Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
