the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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