im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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