wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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